2009, the years of highs and lows

A recount of my past year. All laid out, the highest highs and lowest lows in a year. I am hoping this will be therapeutic for me.. A test of my bravery. I'm hoping by the end of this I will be able to reflect on this year and see that I need to shift focus on the highs, and leave him out of my life, forever. 02 01 2010, RIP.

January

Rang in the new year with my best friend up at Whistler. I was hung, recovering from my NYEE rockstar partying ways and from snowboarding all day (hung again), so we went to a chill aussie house party. A girl took her clothes off and ran outside in the snow. Many guys took pictures. Weird. Still hadn't heard from him since Christmas eve, not even a Happy New Year babe. Nothing. He was my date to my work Christmas Party, he met my family, then disappeared off the face of the earth. I came back, he pretended nothing was wrong, we watched The Dark Night and hated it together, laughing and making fun of it. Then we did as we always did, as we were always good at. Amazing at it.

February

As always, is the worst, most boring month. My job was starting to weigh on me. I was so bored with the work I was doing, not challenged. Going through the motions. I hung out with him on Valentine's day, but it was nothing romantic. I pretended that's how I liked it. We went out with all our friends. He made out with me at the bar. He hadn't done that in a long time. It made me feel like he was finally proud to be with me.

March

The low. I can and never will forgive him for this month. The rollercoaster, the nonchalant attitude. The disappearing acts. It was this month that I was fully convinced that he was bipolar. Some days I was his girlfriend, some days wanted nothing to do with me. After I called him out on the rollercoaster ride, we had an emotional talk at Czehoski. I cried. In front of him, and the waiter. Maybe it was from too much to drink, most of it was frustration. He told me he didn't want to date anyone else, didn't want me to date anyone else, but that he needed to take some time to be single since we jumped into things so quickly from his last relationship (at this point we had been seeing each other since October, after a few months stint a year prior when he and his ex were "on a break"). After this talk, we kissed in the street, I pushed him away. I bawled when I got home. Part of it was too much hormones from the birth control I was taking at the time (it literally made me crazy), but most was because for the first time I felt that feeling that everyone talks about. Heartbreak. Instead of taking some time to sort out our emotional discussion, we continued talking all week.. then. Saint Patricks Day. The dreaded day. I had an interview (which I got and am working at still) the morning after, so I had planned on taking it easy with the fire water. We texted all day, he asked me what I was doing that night, to which I replied "Going to sweaty's." I was going with our mutual friends. The friends that introduced us. He continued to text me while he was at dinner. At dinner. I had a few pints, and remembered a friend saying "He is here! With.... her". I was ignoring her. Brushing it off, desperately trying not to be jealous. Then I saw her touch his arm. Saw her giving him eye contact. Saw her lowering the cut on her shirt and pushing out her breasts towards him. I was witnessing them finishing their date. He was out to dinner with her. He came there with her. After 4 days prior, him telling me he wanted to date no one else and just wanting me to give him space and time to himself, he had showed up to the bar I was at, on a date with another girl. Everyone was confused. None more than I, but the looks of pity towards me. HE BROUGHT ANOTHER GIRL ON A DATE TO THE BAR I WAS AT. How humiliating. You bastard.

To be continued..